Yes. I Have Anxiety. How Did I Not See It Before?

Yes. I had anxiety. How did I not see it before?

I used to shake almost constantly. I would lay in bed every single night going over the details of day and regret so many things I said and did. I would try to imagine what I could’ve done differently and I would plan ahead as far as I could in my mind. My earliest memory of this was when I was 4 years old. 💔 I now have so much compassion for that little girl!

I’ve had symptoms of anxiety my entire life but didn’t realize it until I was in my early twenties.

When something big was happening, I would sweat, I would get an upset stomach... I worried almost all the time about everything and I found it almost impossible to be present in the moment and focus on what was happening in front of me - because I was either already a few steps ahead in my mind OR I was replaying something that had just happened - usually with deep shame & regret.

I kept my mouth shut unless I thought that what I had to say would be accepted by whoever I was saying it to... and when I spoke up for myself... I would shake even more than usual. I would second-guess myself with almost every single word that came out of my mouth. I tried extremely hard to be who I thought I SHOULD be and tried to always do what I thought was EXPECTED of me.

This all started to change for me when I was 17 and I booked a trip to go backpacking on the other side of the world without consulting my parents first. I left soon after graduating from high school. I was longing for an environment where nobody knew me and I could be exactly who I was without anyone expecting anything of me.

My next big step into my releasing my anxiety and getting closer to my authentic self was registering for university with a goal of becoming a counsellor... something I had continually put off for a few years after high school because I was convinced by others that it was the wrong path for me. I kept circling back to this, and then eventually registered without telling a single person except my then-boyfriend (now-husband).

Sooo... fast forward to my first ever counselling job. I was as anxious as ever, trying to make a good impression, and I was about to have a meeting with my supervisor when a colleague said to me: “You better get your anxiety under control before you go for that meeting! Put a coin in your shoe to ground yourself!”

Me? Anxiety? What? I’ll never forget that moment. Everything that I had learned in my university classes and textbooks about anxiety flashed before my eyes. Yes. I had anxiety. How did I not see it before?

I focused on this in my own therapy sessions and increased my awareness of how, when, where, and why it showed up. I implemented coping strategies all throughout the day and night to help me to become more present and focused. Over the last 10+ years since becoming a counsellor myself, I have worked on my self esteem from the inside out and have really gotten to know my inner child who tries to take over with anxiety when she’s feeling unworthy, unacceptable, scared or out of control.

I stopped shaking. I stopped worrying (so much). I started to take care of that anxious part of myself, and I let go of a lot of that anxiety with a combination of practical grounding strategies and deeper work to heal that part of myself that so often felt so anxious, out of place and unworthy. She’s not gone. That part of me still comes up to let me know when something needs my attention. And now I pay attention, and I give that anxious part of myself what she needs!

And this has changed my life, my relationships, my marriage, my friendships, the way that I parent, the way that I work, the way that I view myself, the way that I sleep, and everything in between.

My story might be different from yours, and what works for me might not work for you. But this is one reason why I am so extremely passionate about this topic and why I’ve developed a workshop outlining multiple strategies to hopefully give support in a way that will work for any individual with their varying circumstances! View other related articles about anxiety & upcoming workshops below.

I’d love to hear about what your anxiety has shown you, please share in the comments! ❤️❤️

Interested in a Self Paced Workshop to assist you in easing your anxiety?

Follow this link to register, and begin your journey to healing.