Mom Burnout - Do I Have it? And What Can I Do About It?

“I’ve felt burnt out since becoming a mom… I can’t seem to get out of it.”

Can you relate?

I hear a variation of this from SO many of my clients that seek support through my workshops and individual therapy.

So if your question is “Do I have mom-burnout?” I’d say the answer is very likely to be yes. When you start to notice that you’ve been feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, forgetful, frustrated, low motivation, irritated easily, finding it difficult to maintain boundaries, or more simply put… struggling to care for yourself and/or your family… it’s time to start implementing strategies to help you to overcome burnout.

Being a mother is an extremely demanding role and it is SO important to learn creative and practical strategies to support you with overcoming and preventing feelings of burnout!

Why is it so common for moms to feel burnt out?

Think about it… You’ve been conditioned by society and possibly your own family system to put everybody else first and put yourself last. OR maybe you’ve been set up with some unrealistic expectations to put everyone else first and get everything done for yourself without missing a beat? The thing is, you can’t do it all. Nobody can (without oodles of support!) Something’s gotta give, and if that something is always YOU and YOUR wants and needs, then yes, you are definitely going to end up feeling completely and utterly BURNT OUT.

If you’re thinking “My kids are the most important thing to me, I will always put them and their needs first”… I hear you! You are an amazing mama. Your kids DEFINITELY MATTER. They matter SO MUCH that they deserve to have a mom who feels fulfilled and capable of being emotionally and physically available for them, right?

So this starts with you. If you’re not okay, how can you make sure that your family is okay?

Maybe there is a way to practice getting your own needs met while simultaneously meeting the needs of your family. Bring it down to your basic needs first. Are you eating nourishing meals frequently enough? Are you getting enough water? Enough rest? You might be thinking you need more than this, and I am sure I’d agree with you, but our basic needs really do need to come first. From there we have the capacity to exit that survival state of existence and focus on the other important stuff like boundaries and limits with ourselves and others!

Suggested Activity: Come up with 1-2 affirmations to say to yourself throughout the day to inspire you to meet your goals of REAL self-care. Eg: “I Matter” “I deserve this” “I need to be okay for my kids to be okay” “I am Important” “I can” “I will” “I am capable”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again a million times… being a mom is a demanding role. Western society is not set up to help a mom through community support and if you don’t have this, you are going to feel the weight of it because raising kids wasn’t supposed to be done by just one or two people! If most of the weight of parenting falls on you, it might be worthwhile considering what your options are for support because really, you can’t do it all and NOT feel burnt out. You matter mama! You deserve to have support along this journey of motherhood in whatever ways you are longing for.

Will I ever stop feeling burnt out in motherhood?

Once you really understand just how important you are and you start buying into the idea that you deserve to have your needs fulfilled, you’ll be able to start turning things around. Boundaries are a HUGE part of overcoming and preventing burnout and it takes a lot of work to set and maintain healthy, appropriate boundaries with yourself and others, but it is imperative. Without functional boundaries in place, you will end up feeling burnout out again and again.

But before you get into boundary setting, you need to work on increasing your awareness of yourself and your environment to ascertain what boundaries need adjusting (or creating) in the first place. Use your common sense! What’s working? What’s not? Start here with compassionate curiosity and try to support yourself with whatever is coming up in an attempt to block you from moving forward.

Suggested Activity: Make a list of some small, non-negotiable things to do each day that are fulfilling for you, and see if it has an impact on you. As you get used to doing more things for yourself, let the list grow! Examples: Shower, eat breakfast, connect with a supportive friend/family member, breathe fresh air outside, listen to music that makes you feel good, drink water, read, meditate, walk, stretch, etc. Try starting your own list with just 3 items and notice if you can stick to it or if it needs adjusting. If you struggle with this, it could be a good opportunity for deeper reflection.

Looking for more support?

Join our next live, interactive online workshop with Jen Reddish, Registered Master Therapeutic Counsellor from The Essence of You Counselling for a limited-space special edition of Overcoming Burnout in Motherhood with 4 guest contributors all sharing various perspectives on overcoming and preventing burnout! You will learn all about burnout with a group of mothers who GET IT. This workshop is only happening once this year!